Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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