She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
