dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
