you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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