I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
