how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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