Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
