Don't make out with my wife yet
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
