i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
