be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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