Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
