Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
