im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
