trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
