So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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