You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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