if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
