...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
