I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
