Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
