she was so not down for the gang bang
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i believe in u and ur pee
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
