i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
