After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
