i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
