I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
