we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
