Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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