Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
