I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
