I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
