What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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