No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
