Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The struggles of a small town man whore
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
