You tried to poop in the sink last night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
