Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
