I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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