I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
