he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
