Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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