He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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