mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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