Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
