she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
