Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
