I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Barsexuality is the new black.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
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He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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