If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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