Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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