I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
being pregnant is like rehab
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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