brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
