why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
