Welp...herpes.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Watching her eat just hurts me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
