I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize