Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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