I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
