It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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