Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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