The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I am in a vortex of obligation.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
