The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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