Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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