The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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