I think im going to throw up on grandma
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
