she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
