so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
two words: eviction party
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
