I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
