If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
