Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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