I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
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incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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