why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
