ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
