if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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