Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize