they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
