Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
