This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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