Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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