i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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