I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I fill condoms, not promises.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
